Why Can’t Men be Golden?

SSU_LOGO–by Mary Helen Darah

Mary Helen Darah and her Golden Retriever Nala.

While standing in line to appease my caffeine craving, I heard two women discussing their love lives. One went as far as to say that the current male in her life was treating her like a dog—as if this would be a negative thing. I shamelessly spoil my canine on every day that ends in “Y.” I would not only cherish living the “golden” life of my retriever, it’s hard not to hope for a male that possesses some of her attributes.

Well groomed
A few friends of mine have tried online dating. Men, do not concern yourselves with receding hairlines or a few extra pounds. The common denominator I hear about the males that appear on their computer screens is, “If you’re going to put yourself out there on the internet, could you at least put on a shirt and visit a dentist.” Nala, my “golden girl” is never without her luxurious coat and thanks to some dental chews, she has minty fresh breath.

New tricks
They say you can teach an old dog new tricks and even though I still fall short in the balancing checkbook department, I see through my dog the willingness and desire to continually learn new things. I would love a male who, like Nala, is ready to go “off-trail” and discover new adventures.

Exercise as playtime
Nala turns exercise into fun. I would love to find someone with testosterone and this characteristic. She loves swimming, hiking, boating, snowshoeing (pretty much every activity that’s listed on the back of a tampon box) for the pure joy of it. I must admit, I can be a tad competitive, especially in Fitbit weekend warrior matches, but I would love someone who simply wants to “play.”

Make new friends
I am a social person who loves to run with my pack. I would need a male who meets new people as easily as my furry friend.

Forgives easily
Business executive Paul Lewis Buese once said, “Forgiveness doesn’t change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” Nala is slow to anger, forgives easily and follows my New York buddy’s advice to “forget about it.”

Love unconditionally
Even if I don’t have time to play with the squeaky whale or run out of Pawsitively Perfect Peanut Butter Treats, I know my gal will continue to love me even if she doesn’t always love my choices.

Judge not
Nala never gives me “the face” if I (hypothetically, of course) binge watch Netflix while eating Kashi Crunch cereal along with a glass of Merlot, attired in my moose boxers. Perhaps that’s too much to ask from a member of the opposite sex.

No judgment.

Eat with gusto
Nala always looks forward to mealtime. I love to cook and do not want my cedar plank, potlatch seasoned salmon with Gouda, Fontina potatoes to receive an “I guess I’ll have the protein but skip the carbs” comment. As they say in the city of Rome, were that I have lived and loved, MANGIA!

Just like her male counterparts, Nala has a few issues, including muddy paws, selective hearing, and an obsession with squeaky toys that would rival any man’s affair with a TV remote. However, ladies, I hope you find someone who not only treats you like a well-loved man’s best friend but acts like one as well. If you come nose-to-nose with a loyal, “plays well with others,” affectionate male, break free from your “leash” and go for it!

Leave a Reply